I thought it might be time for a bit of levity (or just plain irreverence), so I am sharing a few previously published Mane Mare letters and responses.

Horse’s Mouth Video

DEAR MANE MARE,
What is lipstick and what is so darn funny about it? Every time I eat one of my favorite treats, all the people at the stable laugh at me and say it looks like I’m wearing lipstick. Don’t they know I have feelings? I’m not just any old grey gelding; I’m sensitive. Should I give up eating strawberries?
Baffled

DEAR BAFFLED,
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I must admit to having a bit of a chuckle myself when I read your letter. Lipstick, my dear, is the colored stuff women – and of course clowns – put on their lips. Women use it to make themselves more attractive even if they try to tell you it protects their lips from the sun and wind. With clowns it is part of the costume they use to entertain people. Either way, you should be delighted to have your favorite treat and make people laugh. A happy human is a much better thing to be around than an unhappy one.

DEAR MANE MARE,
I used to be a racehorse, but apparently I wasn’t good enough to stay with that career. The trainer sold me. (Gee I miss the groom I had there; she never made any demands on me.) For the past 4 years I have been ridden by a teenage girl, doing the canter and jump thing. All was going along rather well and life was easy. We were taking lessons from this nice lady and occasionally we all went to local shows. (I look pretty good with a ribbon in my bridle, if I do say so myself.) Well, now we take lessons from another lady and she is of the opinion that I can go further – and higher! I knew that from the beginning, but now they are intent on making me prove it by moving me from the hunter classes to the jumper classes. Now I’ve seen the size of some of those jumps when we have been to shows, and I’ve got to tell you, if I wanted to exert myself, I would have won a few races when I was younger. How do I discourage their plan? Ideas?

DEAR IDEAS,
Buck up! When approaching any fence you deem too high, too wide or a bit spooky, slide to a stop and buck. That ought to do it.

DEAR MANE MARE,
I know you usually answer questions from fancy show horses and personal saddle horses, but would you consider a question from a lowly lesson horse? If so, I would like to know how I can choose who rides me. Some of the student riders are a lot easier on me than others. Do I have a say in anything like this?
Gentle Ben

DEAR BEN,
Get a grip, lad. Just because you are a school horse doesn’t make you any less worthy than any other horse. If it weren’t for horses like you, just imagine what those fancy show horses would have to endure. You do all the teaching and they get all the credit. I say you can pick your riders in any way you see fit – kindness, affection, biting, bucking, whatever makes your preferences known. Be assertive.

DEAR MANE MARE,
My human wants to get on my back, but I buck her off. I don’t mean to be mean, but I don’t like it. What can I do to make my human happy and not sell me?!
Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED,
It seems to be a trend: humans want to ride their horses. Chances are if you don’t cooperate, you will be sold. Today’s horses are expendable. You will have to find some way of being invaluable if you really don’t want anyone on your back and you don’t want to change owners. Offer to clean your own stall, repair fences, do their homework, save children from wells…you get the idea.